Mixed Emotions

It looks like I am done breastfeeding. I know I know, some of you out there are saying "yipee, howdoya feel?" Well honestly I feel sad. Maybe a little glad. Bust mostly sad. My baby is growing into a toddler. The hours I spent everyday rocking, holding and nuzzling her while she nursed are over. On the flip side she is a healthy girl and is showing me her independence so for that I rejoice. Next week I start the kids in daycare. It is for 1 day a week, for 4 hours. I need to do volunteer hours to keep my nursing license. Another case where some people may jump for joy at their new found freedom and interactions with the adult world but again I feel a bit sad. I don't want to be away from them. They are what I know. I know what happens at 130pm, what time they will nap, when they need snacks etc. In this other "adult" world I can't control or predict who will need what and when. Most of all, the world couldn't give a crap less about Tiffany when to these little people I am their world. Well, I was to one until she stopped nursing. Now Cheerios rule the roost. I knew it all had to end eventually, I guess I'm just not quite ready.

Now I learn we are moving to Tyndall AFB Florida. "Are you excited???" Well yeah, that and scared, nervous, anxious. I mean, I have been in the same place now for almost 6 years. The place of my birth. My family is here, my friends are here though many have left I still have a few. And what of the ones who have left? Well mostly we have lost contact or stay in touch just barely enough to call it a friendship. What if I don't click with anyone at my new base? What if I lose all my "old" friends and struggle making new ones? Great, I feel like I am in the third grade all over again. I do rejoice in that my best of best friends and total love of my lives will be with me. Adam is my rock even when everyone sees me as the strong one. When I feel insecure he is the one there with the hugs and the "baby everything will be alright" speech. I hope I can always be that for him. He's unshakable so maybe he will never need me as a rock but he needs me for something or I wouldn't be here right? I can't think of what it might be, but there has to be something. Kids, he needs my uterus and eggs to make those gorgeous little critters to carry on his family name. See, I knew I would feel enlightened at the end of all this.