First post since I stopped posting

Well, I officially left Facebook. Sort of. I still look on there everyday. People still contact me through the site. I'm not completely disconnected...or am I? I decided originally that I would rid myself of Facebook and all the drama that inevitably ensued due to its use. Facebook itself became its own living, breathing entity. I found myself drawn to it for all the reasons people are, socialization, acceptance and inclusion. People know me there and they talked to me. I felt like I mattered to a whole lot of people. Whats sad is I quickly find out I don't. There were a small handful of folks that wanted to keep up with our happenings and e-mailed to tell me so. For that I thank you. Bottom line is Facebook gave me a false sense of reality that I am sorry I gave up! No, really... whether I don't have time for friends or they just don't have time or desire for me I am without friends quite a bit. I've had a few close friendships, or so I thought, dissipate right before my very eyes with not so much a blink from the other party. Was our relationship not meaningful? Was I not a good enough friend? God knows I try so hard but feel like I am always falling short. Falling short on every end, as a mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister, when will I be enough? I listen to the song "Free To Be Me" and I truly believe when I hear that song that will all the areas I must be falling short in, God loves me and I'm enough for him. I miss earthly people though. Sure time is short. I make time for the people who make time for me. Problem is, they've all filled their time with people who are more available to meet their needs. Selfish.

My gripe for the week, people who say "yeah, we should have you over..." or "yeah, let's plan that-should be fun!" or any other variety of lead on... and then they don't plan a darn thing. In fact, if I don't pursue them and their instigated "plan" it won't happen. Why even say anything if you never planned on actually extending an invite and making it happen? It's like telling a girl with an awful haircut "it's so cute" no it ain't! Just say nothing unless God forbid she ask you your opinion... yeah people don't actually do that...they don't want to know what you think. They want to be fluffed for the day and move on.

School starts tomorrow. I'm taking Western Civilization and English Comp II. Adam completes the last of his classes for his Master's degree in 6 weeks. In the Spring I should have a much lighter load as I prepare my packet for entry into the clinical section of my nursing degree. Nolan and Georgia will be doing mom's morning out program with the church Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9-12p and Cam will stay with me. In the Spring I may put him in there for 1 day as well. We'll see. MOPS is getting ready to start. I've always been encouraged when I've attended. I've not made any friends really. Here's hoping that changes.